Hello,

I like to get a feedback for my cover letter. It would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

The cover letter is pasted below for your review.

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Cover Letter

Jon Doe
123 Some Rd.
Anywhere, ST. 11111

October 18, 2012

ABC Research Center
963 This Ave
P.O. Box 00000
Another City, ST. 12345

Data Coordinator (Job ID 00000)

Dear Hiring Manager:

I was extremely excited to learn about your need for a data coordinator. I have a personal passion for the elimination of cancer and the outcomes of cancer survivors, and I am now dedicating my efforts in finding a data coordinator position in the area of cancer research. This is a very fascinating and rewarding study, and it would be an honor to be your new data coordinator. This position is a perfect match to my qualifications and career goals. As you will see in my resume, I have extensive experience in healthcare research as an interviewer and research assistant.

For the past five years, I worked at XYZ Research Center as a Research Interviewer, where I was known to accurately follow complex data collection instruments to conduct in-depth telephone interviews with study participants. During that time, I had the challenging experiences interviewing teenagers for an adolescent depression study and HIV/AIDS adults for a self-management study, which developed my ability to employ extra sensitivity when interviewing research subjects.

While working at XYZ Research Center, I successfully completed a Post-Baccalaureate in Health Information Management from the University of ST, which greatly expanded my knowledge of healthcare science and management of healthcare data.

Although I enjoyed my role as a research interviewer for XYZ Research Center, our department lost its grant funding and my position was eliminated, so I am available for immediate employment. Your opening presents an excellent opportunity, and I look forward to meeting with you to discuss how my skills and experiences can serve your department.

Thank you for your interest, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Jon Doe

Hi jutro2005,

Your cover letter is excellent and just needs a bit of editing in the opening paragraph. The opening is a little repetitive -- you can remove a line or two to get to the "meat" of what you offer. The line that refers to the "fascinating study" is also confusing -- are you referencing a specific study? If so, you should say so or revise to something like "fascinating field of study" instead. Also, you can remove "personal" from passion, as it's assumed that your passion would be personal.

I hope this is helpful!