Hi everyone.  I recently graduated with my Bachelor's in Business Management and I am looking for jobs related to that degree.  The thing is that I keep getting asked for sales jobs (especially commission jobs) when in the mean time, I really just want to work for a normal company doing accounting, finance, marketing, or just being a manager somewhere.  Please look over my cover letter and resume and tell me what you think.  Are there things I need to remove?  I just don't know.    I will also mention that I also always include a references page (which I am not including here).  Thank you.

                                                                 

 

 

December 19, 2012

 

Hiring Manager
Richmond, VA

Dear Hiring Manager:

 

I was intrigued when I found your job posting and I am writing to express my interest and enthusiasm for your position.  After completing a B.S. in Business Management from Farmingdale State College last December, I enrolled in an M.B.A. program specialized in accounting to further enhance my credentials in the field. 

Based on your description of the ideal candidate, I also offer: 

• A solid educational foundation in financial analyzing, leadership, information systems, and organization. 
• A track record of excellent performance as a part-time/summer employee concurrent with full-time college enrollment.
• Multitasking talents, with the ability to manage multiple high-priority assignments and develop solutions to challenging problems.

I have enclosed my resume to provide an overview of my career achievements and qualifications.  I relocated to Richmond, VA this past August.  I am confident that I can offer you the customer service, communication, and problem-solving skills you are seeking.  If you agree that a meeting could be to our mutual benefit, please contact me at I look forward to speaking with you. 

Sincerely yours,

 

Removed personal information

 

 

 

 

 

PROFILE

Hi Crowbarker,

Thank you for posting your documents. I'm sorry to hear that you're not getting calls for jobs that would interest you. Here are a few suggestions:

- Include a clear career goal. You mention interest in a few careers (e.g., marketing, accounting, general management), and these require different skills. You will probably be more successful if you create a different resume and corresponding cover letter for each of your goals.

- Write more authentically. I recognized some of the phrases from sample resumes, and while it's good to use samples for ideas and inspiration, I recommend putting your own voice/spin on things.

- Focus on work and internship achievements. Write about how your leadership and work ethic made a difference at each of your employers. For example, did you help the managing agent increase the customer base? What improvements did you make that improved office efficiency? Can the outcomes be measured?

- Tailor each version of your resume to the job you are seeking. For example, you can highlight your experience with product promotions for your marketing version, whereas your finance version would emphasize your relevant courses, special projects, and any relevant work achievements.

- Move your Education section higher. I would list your degrees before experience.

- Edit the Threshold Project. Make this section more concise and focused on what you contributed to this project.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck to you!