An agency told me that my resume is not clear. Can you please help? THis is the text version, I have a doc version as well which is better organzied. But to get an idea I post the text version. Thanks in advance!

Andrea T
E-Mail: thorntonXXX@XXXX.com
Cell: XXX-XXX-XXXX

Skills

- Computer knowledge such as Windows and Microsoft Office
- Accurate typewriting (70 wpm)
- Excellent written and verbal communication skills in English and German
- Organizing skills and detail oriented
- Strong analytical skills
- Customer oriented

Employment in the US

American Express in Salt Lake City, Utah
Analyst Business Systems
November 2011 - Present

My tasks:
German and American Mall support
- supporting sales software e.g. ExpressPASS/UltraPos

American Card support
- American Express Prepaid, PASS, Bluebird, Travel Cards etc.

Second Level Technical Support
- Ticket Management in Salesforce

Customer Service
- solving technical problems on the phone and opening tickets if needed

Software testing
- ExpressPASS

Salary: $50,000/Yearly

Employment in Germany
Office Clerk
August 2002 – October 2011

My tasks:
I worked several jobs and different departments in Germany. To my tasks belonged typical office duties. I corresponded with customers and clients in both German and English language via email and phone.

Pay: approx. 7200 EUR/Yearly

Education
Menden (Sauerland), Germany
Apprenticeship in Germany as an Office Clerk with certificate
August 2002 – July 2005

High school diploma equivalent in Hemer, Germany
September 1996 – July 2002

Do I need to mention all my past employers in Germany in detail? I never held a job there expect the first one because the economy was bad and although I was looking constantly all I got were Internships.

Hey Andrea,

USe this format to clear it up:

Andrea T
101 Any City
Any State Any Zip
855-555-6666
Email: Andrea

Put education first

Howard University
AA, University Studies

Then for example, do this for you employers:

XYZ Company
Office Clerk
2011-2012

Duties:
. Processed mail and ensured UPS packages were expedited
. Processed accounts payables, ensuring use of proper expense codes

Skills at the bottom:

Microsoft Word
Windows
PBX Machine

Ok thanks

How can I make it sound more professional since I'm German and English is not my native language. Any advise or suggestions? Thanks.

Hey Andrea,

I wouldn't put salaries on my resume. Also with your certificates just do this:

State University
Certificate, Business Management

I don't have the dates I earned my degrees on my resume.

Don't put high school on your resume either.

As for the language, you have to play with it a bit.

Here's one of my bullet points on my resume(I'm an accounting coordinator:

Reconciled all purchase cards, ensuring proper debiting of GL accounts

Copy my style to see if it'll help.

Hi AndreaT,

Thanks for posting your resume! I think the agency might have wanted to see clear descriptions of what you did in each of your positions. Your short bullets hint at your responsibilities, but don't seem to tell the full story of what you do. Were you given a job description for your current position? That might help translate some of your responsibilities so you can add them to your resume. You can also include accomplishments and contributions to your employers to make your resume stronger.

I wouldn't specify "Employment in the U.S." Call your experience section "Professional Experience" and merge the positions that you held in Germany. I like that you combined the various positions, but flesh it out a bit more. What kind of office settings did you work in? How did your clerical skills help improve office operations?

I hope this is helpful!

Hi Andrea,

In my opinion, I suppose the agency meant "he didn't quite understand the things you did in your previous employment" when he said your resume wasn't clear. Let me offer my suggestions here:

You can merge some of the Skills section into your Professional Experience under employment to make the statements in that segment stronger. Skills such as language competencies can qualify in a separate section where you may want to discuss how your competency in other languages helped you achieve some other things.

As for your previous work, you should give more details on each of the positions held. In your existing draft, it is too "sweeping" ie too brief. The reader would not be able to have a good understanding of what you did and how good you were at the things you did. In that light, they would probably be skeptical about getting you on board. You should include some of the following information:

What you did
How you did
Any special procedures adopted/skills acquired
Any significant achievements acquired
Quantify the achievements

 

I would also suggest restructuring the sentences to start off with an action word ie a VERB. eg "Supported the sales of software such as ExpressPASS/UltraPos to mall vendors...." You may also wish to include adverbs at strategic places to increase the strength of the statements.

Apply the same concept to the rest of your other positions held previously. That should improve the clarity of the resume expecially for people reading it for the 1st time.

Hope my opinion above helps.